F o r t y T w o
Honestly, there’s so much I could say about being a woman who can no longer deny being “in her forties”.
It’s an ambivalent season of life where I find myself constantly fluctuating between being okay with ageing, and struggling with what it means to become an older woman in our society where youth and beauty are glorified.
Where I want to be cool with wrinkles, but some days I’m not. Where I don’t want to be concerned with the sudden inundation of grey hair yet every day I still contemplate whether I should dye it, or not. Where I refuse to succumb to diet culture and starve and punish my body into compliance like I did in younger years, yet find myself afraid of the repercussions of age on my body if I don’t. Where I am thankful for wisdom gained from lived experience yet grieve for younger years I will never get back.
I don’t have a lot to offer when it comes to getting older; it is something I continue to grapple with and find my way through one day at a time.
What I do know is every year I become more myself; the truest version of who I am supposed to be. I heal more. I grow more. I give less fucks about things that don’t matter and invest in only the things that matter most to me — the people who matter most to me. I shed more of the weight of expectations and obligations I no longer choose to carry. I learn to trust more and love more and open my heart to the belief I am worthy of being loved in return.
And above all else, I choose to damn well eat the cake, which is really the most important thing of all.
Thanks for another year of love and support x