As we approach Mental Health Week (10-17 October) I have been working on some spoken word pieces to perform for a local community open mic event this weekend which aims to break the silence of mental health.
I have always been inclined to struggle through mental health issues on my own; less from shame and more from existing within an avoidant-attachment style where my upbringing led to not feeling important, loved or worthy enough to share my struggles or needs, knowing they would be ignored or dismissed anyway.
This has resulted in being an adult who is often too self-reliant – to the point I have a great need for independence and freedom and become fearful and resentful of people/places/situations which threaten this safe, autonomous existence I have built for myself.
But the thing with keeping people out is it becomes hard to let them in, even when you need them. Especially when you need them. And living with depression/anxiety/PTSD is a lonely enough world anyway without always trying to do it on your own.
These days I am working harder to seek help when I need it, to talk about my struggles, and to share them publicly that others may feel less alone, but also to know I am not alone in this either.
This is a small part of a poem written about depression; how insidiously it creeps into our lives, so underhanded yet with devastating effects on us and those who try to love us through our dark days. Thankfully those days have become so much less for me, but I’ve written this poem as a reflection upon some of my most desolate moments, and I know many of you will relate.
I’ll record and post the entire poem when I can grab some moments (like, when we’re not having the coldest and wettest Oct school holidays EVER with everyone under my feet 🙄), but until then I hope to see some local people at the Lions Park in Kingston this Saturday 10th Oct, 3pm-8.30pm to support this wonderful event.