I’ve not been around much lately; writing less, posting less, engaging less, doing less externally as I take some time to focus internally on areas of my life I feel have been both blocking me creatively and also holding me back from where I want to be in my life at this time: anxiety, fear, inadequacy, perfectionism.
I am spending more time in stillness and silence, teaching myself to be less distracted with the noise of the world and sink deeper into the parts of myself I have avoided for so long. Learning to hear my own wisdom, to trust my own knowing. Breaking down a lifetime of conditioning to find my truth; to own my power. To walk in these things unapologetically. Letting go of the need to outwardly perform; to have to post words on social media regularly to justify my existence as a writer. To prove I am worthy to occupy this space.
Like everyone, I have been shaken by the events of the year; left unsettled and dazed and uncertain of the future. Whilst I adore this community – both my fellow writers, and wonderful readers – in the wake of 2020 I am left feeling the futility of social media; all too aware of the distraction that it can be at times, the way it takes us away from ourselves and into places like comparison, inadequacy, anxiety, hindrance to our goals and ability to accomplish them. The pressure to post on social media, to engage, to be seen as actively writing, can often be a huge block for me at times such as these when I’m needing to focus more on myself, so I am mindful of this as I look toward my goals for the next while.
I’ve found writing difficult in the last few months, struggled to stay focused and undistracted, and whilst I’m still undecided on whether I’ll compete in the Australian Poetry Slam competition this year, the only goal I’ve given myself for the next while is to have new pieces written for that – if I decide to compete, great. If not, I’ll have some new pieces written anyway. So for the next couple of months I’ll be continuing to lay low and work both on myself and on new pieces; after that, I hope to be around more again, and will also actually record my newer pieces and put up on my sadly neglected YouTube channel.
For now, this snippet of words is from a poem I’m currently working on titled, Eve Ate The Apple, which has come from exploring times in my life where I have been shamed for simply being a woman.
May we be women who come to know we do not need to live as good, but free.
Much love x