And I Will Not Apologise For My Healing

The more I begin to heal the less I find myself apologising for it.
It would be easy to say sorry.
Sorry for the ways I have pulled away.
Sorry for the ways I have let you down.
Sorry for the messages I have not replied to.
Sorry for the calls I have not answered.
Sorry for my absence.
Sorry for my silence.
Sorry I can no longer meet your expectations.
Sorry I can no longer meet your needs.
Sorry I can no longer put your needs above my own.
Except, I’m not sorry.
Because, the thing is, it isn’t me that needs to heal.
It’s the little girl within me; the wounded child that nobody protected. Or stood up for. Or put first. Or made to feel mattered.
The girl who was not heard, or seen.
The girl who grew up believing the needs of others were more important than her own.
That her body was not her own.
That her voice would never be heard.
That she wasn’t worth the respect of others.
That love was something to be earned.
That boundaries could be crossed by whoever so pleased.
That her value was not in what she could give, but only in what others could take.
I am fighting for her, because no one else ever did.
I am putting her first, because no one else ever did.
I am standing between her and the world; honouring her, protecting her, nurturing her, allowing her the time and space to mend her brokenness without more being taken when there is nothing left to give; without more of the world pulling her in every direction with its demands and expectations.
Because she matters. Because I matter.
I am choosing to heal the way I need to; my time, my way.
I am choosing me.
And I will no longer apologise for that.

6 thoughts on “And I Will Not Apologise For My Healing

  1. Kathy….you always seem to post what I’m feeling at the moment. I will not apologize to anyone anymore

  2. Kathy, I have been following your blogs for just over a year now, many have touched me deeply as they were so true to my life past and current. Your words have been a very strong guidance platform for me in going through and healing from the overpowering circumstances in my life. I wanted to thank you for your words, which seem to comfort me, and that I look forward to each of them. I wish you absolute peace in your life as this is what you have been providing for me. This particular post is stated perfectly! Thank You!

    1. Thank you so, so much Theresa. Such beautiful, kind and encouraging words for my soul. Thank you 💗🙏🏼

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