What It Means To Love The Girl With The Guarded Heart


There is nothing simple about loving the girl with the guarded heart.

She is not convinced by flowers and fancy dinners, nor won over by compliments and praise. In the beginning she is a slow dance, one step toward you, another step back, as she learns to trust the ways of your heart and the strength of your arms. The dance may be slow but it cannot be rushed, for she will sense the impatience of your steps and the way they fall out of time with hers. Dance with her. Follow the measure of her steps and in time, she will soon look to follow yours.

She will not show you her heart all at once, instead offer you a little at a time, unhurried and watchful of the way you hold each fragile piece. She longs for you to understand how much it takes her to show you these pieces; for you to trace your fingers over the scars left behind from others, to feel the whisper of your breath against her neck as you promise to hold her heart with more care than those who came before. There are parts of her heart that remain unreachable, parts she has buried under layers she will never reveal. Love these parts of her, the parts unseen, the shadows of her soul. For even the sky knows without darkness, the stars cannot adorn us with their light.

She will watch you closer than you realise, listen to every word you speak and weigh it against every action, searching for inconsistencies, seeking the truth of your word and the intention of your heart. Not because she can’t trust you, but because she is cautious, alert, wary; the stories of her past still etched upon her mind. She isn’t ready to trust her heart with you. Not yet. Not until she knows you are a man of your word, a man of steadfast hands and unchanging ways.

There is a part of her that will always remain a little detached, ready to run if she thinks her heart will get damaged again. She no longer believes in second chances, having used all of them on those undeserving of such grace. To hurt her means to lose her, for she would sooner be alone than risk losing the life she has fought so damn hard to rebuild with her own wearied hands. She isn’t there because she needs you. She doesn’t need anyone. She’s there because she has chosen you, because she wants you, because she believes you are worth the risk. And all she asks is for you not to prove her wrong in the chance she has taken, for it has cost her more than you know.

She will need more reassurance than most, she will need you to stay present, available, mindful of her scars. She will think too much, talk too little, cry too often, ask too many questions, struggle to rest in your love. She is complex. Complicated. Perplexing. Sometimes difficult.

But beyond her guarded heart lies a soul that contains the wonders of the universe. One that longs to live and love with abandon, that desires connection and intimacy and to be in relationship with someone who sees both her beauty and her scars, and knows how to fall in love with both.

She holds within her a fierce spirit; brave, strong, courageous, unrelenting; yet is also the quiet and the calm, a place to take shelter against the fury of the wind on storm-filled days. She is nurture, she is passion. She is a touch of madness against ordinary skies, a vulnerable heart with a fearless soul, a barefoot warrior who follows no trails but sets her own path.

She is grounded in her truth, accepting of her flaws, far from perfect but closer to real than most. She is wildflowers and ocean currents and meadows that dance upon the breath of summer winds, uncontained in earthly beauty and free in spiritual grace.

Broken, she knows what it means to suffer. But out of the depths of her suffering, she has come to understand love. And her guarded heart waits for the one who understands it too.

No, there may be nothing simple about loving the girl with the guarded heart.

But every day you choose to love her, she’ll prove to you why she’s worth it.

Photo courtesy James Forbes via unsplash.com

25 thoughts on “What It Means To Love The Girl With The Guarded Heart

  1. OH, These words… I read them, and then have to read them again, because they have become blurred through my tears. Thank you so much Kathy for sharing such undiluted vulnerableness in your writing. Your words seem to often reflect my own vulnerability as I begin standing in my own truth and become willing to trust my heart again. May you always stay grounded in your truth, and forever find peace in your grace.
    ❤ With much gratitude, Michele

    1. Michele, you beautiful heart ❤️ Thank you so much for these lovely words, and thank you for sharing your own heart and vulnerability with me. Thank you for being on this journey with me, and allowing me to be on yours ❤️ xx

  2. I hope many men read, understand and
    FEEL your words. They are so moving. Guys, let’s love our mates this way. Of course, we have to love ourselves well first, to offer this deep love to another.

    1. Love this! Love your willingness to understand the heart of a woman and how she needs to be loved, but also to know how important it is to love yourself first before you can love another. Thanks so much for this <3

  3. Kathy,

    As a woman who has ventured into the very depths of hell trying to find the love I desire so greatly. But none have even come close to understanding that deep and not so beautiful aspects within my soul. The things that are the very makeup of who I am. The tears I shed while reading this, felt as if someone finally reached inside of the dark corners of my mind and pulled the words and put pen to paper for me. Thank you Kathy!

  4. Kathy,
    I am in this situation right now and it is so good to read that my feelings are normal. I’m not used to a man being so good to me so I know I seem guarded and untrusting. But, he is very understanding and is willing to take things at my pace…even though Im not sure what my pace even is! Once again, your words speak to my heart. Thank you!

  5. Kathy, you have words for so many of my, often indescribable, feelings. I am so grateful; reading your work helps me process my way through them, and acknowledges and validates that I am not alone. With love and thanks, Leanne.

  6. I love a wonderful woman who has a guarded heart. We’ve only been together a short time now and the more I am around her the more I love her not only for her heart, character, and love of family, but also for what I think she can and will be when she has moved past some of the pain she still holds inside and doesn’t know how to let go of, yet.

    This process is very scary to me because I don’t know yet how she feels about me and whether or not she ever will. But as scary as it is for ME, I can only imagine how scary it is for HER. I want to show her how much I care for her and am finding (and have discussed with her) that actions speak so much louder than words with her.

    Thank you for this wonderfully written and insightful article. I see that most of the replies are from women, so please know that this man wants to earn the love and respect of a truly wonderful woman with a soul like none I have ever known.

    God bless!

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