Grief Is Just Love With No Place To Go

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“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go” ~ Jamie Anderson

Grief is not a road we walk, or a journey we take. It is not a process that can be defined by stages we are told we must feel – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. It is not a textbook diagram, or a framework we must comply to. It isn’t a task we must complete. We don’t push through it, we don’t move into it and out of it, we don’t follow a linear progression until we reach the other side of it.

There are no rules to grief. We can only succumb to it, surrender to it, let our hearts break open for it. It is an ebb and flow, a dance of pain and love, a coming together only to once again fall apart. It is a feeling of overcoming, only to awake every single morning in the arms of grief once more.

Grief is an alteration of who we once were, to who we now become. It is an adjustment of ourselves, an adaptation to our souls. We don’t work through our grief and return to who we once were. There can never be a return to the people we once were. We are broken by grief; shattered. We can never look the same, mend the same, be the same. We lose fragments of ourselves, leave behind the pieces that cut too deeply, the pieces we long to forget, need to forget. Whatever we now become, we put together from the brokenness we scrounge from what little we have left.

Grief changes us.

Grief breaks us.

Grief is love with no place to go.

And so in our grief, the only thing to do is to give our love a place to go.

Love with word, love with deed, love with action.

Love one another so fiercely that our love is spent, that are chests are no longer hollow, that the lump in our throats hurts a little less.

Love for those who hurt the most, who have lost the most, and then love them even harder.

Because the truth about grief is that it never leaves.

Grief lasts as long as love lasts – forever.

Somehow, may love become light in the darkness of our grief.

My love, thoughts, and prayers are with my local community at this time, who have suffered a loss beyond comprehension. I don’t understand. I will never understand. But I know our hearts unite in love for those who have lost so much. May they know they are not alone.

20 thoughts on “Grief Is Just Love With No Place To Go

  1. How do you express in words that are so deep as deep as the grief we feel inside us. I always felt we can never be the same once we lose something in us but some people don’t understand and they think we are just putting up an act for seeking attention which is not true. The truth is that we fight so hard to be the person we once were we miss us being a certain way. I guess we must just let us be the way we evolve and embrace ourselves. Would love to meet you sometime Kathy !

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  2. My best friend died a little over 1 1/2 years ago. Yesterday, for a change, was a day of remembering, without the usual pain. I went shopping with my daughter-in-law at a bunch of thrift shops and flea markets. I saw about 5 different things that my friend would have loved. Each time, I smiled. I also bought one of the purses because it was so her. Then I remembered, I am not her. I can enjoy it but don’t have to buy it. The pain and tears of grief come in waves for me. Halloween was a bad time because it was her favorite holiday. Christmas was bad because she wasn’t here with her shining light of spirit and her little girl fascination for the season. Every single kids Christmas program that came on brought tears because she loved them so. After the tears of the holidays, yesterday felt like a celebration of her child-like spirit. I loved it.

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  3. Wow! This is such a moving and heartfelt article. I got goosebumps when I read it and I felt so much love compassion and understanding from it. It could help so many people who are still unable to deal with their grief. I think all the schools could benefit from it. I used my camera to express my love and my grief from the time I was nine. Thank you Kathy You are a beautiful writer. Love Janice xo

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  4. Tonight I’ll soak my pillow in “unspent love” as I grieve the loss of my 94 year old Auntie.
    ♡ until we meet again.
    R.I.P. Carmen Wooten, sleep well ♡

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  5. After reading this I was brought into tears as I remembered my Grandma who died 2 yrs ago. You were right, Grieft is love with no place to go. I love my Grandma so much but that I didn’t gave it all the love that she deserves before she died. Now I found the place where the love needs to go. Thank you so much Kathy. May you keep up your good work and bless others with your writings.

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    1. Thank you so much for these beautiful words and for sharing your heart. I’m so sorry for the grief you have suffered, but so thankful my words have brought comfort to your heart. Wishing you all the best x

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  6. You have no idea how much reading this has helped me with the grief I’ve been experiencing. Ive found comfort in reading this bc it’s exactly how I feel and it’s the only thing that makes sense right now. Thank you so much for this. ❤️

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  7. When I woke up in the morning my best friend, my soulmate, my husband was laying beside me. He looked like he was sleeping so I quietly got out of bed and put some coffee on for us. I went back in to out room to wake him, but he never woke up. All I could do was scream, “No, No, No!!! I don’t know when he passed away? After 25 days I am still in shock. The pain in my throat, the knot in my stomach, the loneliness and loss is unbearable. Grief is powerful. I know I will never be the same.

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    1. Kelley, am so so incredibly sorry for your loss . Of course you are still in shock after 25 days dear one, your journey through the grief ahead will be long and hard and there is no way around it, only through it, there’s no easy way and there’s no other way. Be gentle on yourself, and take each day as it comes. Be kind and never let anyone tell you how you should grieve, how you should heal. This is your journey, this is your pain, noone else can walk in your shoes. So much love and best wishes to you at this time ❤

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