Your Mess Is Mine


Bring me to your house
Tell me, “Sorry for the mess”
Hey, I don’t mind
You’re talking in your sleep
Out of time
Well you still make sense to me
Your mess is mine
~ Vance Joy

Some days there is only mess. Days when our hearts rip open and there is tissue and muscle and membrane everywhere and all our brokenness comes undone and we bleed out onto the ground.

Sorry for the messSorry for the mess. Sorry for the mess. 

There’s nothing pretty about our hearts as they bleed, about our humanity as we suffer.  There’s nothing pretty about rejection, brokenness, abandonment, misunderstanding, cruelness, sadness, pain, hate. There’s nothing pretty about the way we are sliced open by ourselves, by others, by trauma, abuse, memories, nightmares, triggers, words.

Sorry for the mess. Sorry for the mess. Sorry for the mess. 

We are so ashamed of our mess. Ashamed of our humanity, of our ugliness. We’ve been told not to cry, to quiet down, to not show our feelings, to not make a scene.

We’ve been told to not make a mess.

Sorry for the mess. Sorry for the mess. Sorry for the mess. 

But to be human is to be messy. To feel, to love, to hate, to hurt, to cry, to grieve, is all messy. And the worst thing we can do is make others feel ashamed of their mess, to make them feel wrong in their humanity, as though they need to hide it, need to clean up their mess before anyone sees it.

The most beautiful gift we can give one another is to step into their messiest place and say, “Hey, I don’t mind.” To look around at the mess, the chaos, the blood all over the ground, and make sense of them when they can no longer make sense of themselves.

To hear them say it:

Sorry for the mess. Sorry for the mess. Sorry for the mess. 

And to love them enough to say, “Your mess is mine.”




4 thoughts on “Your Mess Is Mine

  1. But often, people step into your life to make it mess and even don’t foster an apology for doing so… what should be done in that case? You can’t take anyone’s mess as yours everytime!

    1. I think the difference I was referring to in my blog was when people are vulnerable enough to invite us into their lives, into their mess, when they are ashamed of that, and that the most beautiful thing we can do in that moment is to see their mess and love them in that.
      There are people who step into our lives uninvited and throw their mess at us and demand we clean it up for them, and you’re right, we shouldn’t have to take on everyone else’s mess all the time.
      That’s where healthy boundaries come in – knowing when to allow people in to love them and care for them in healthy relationships, and knowing when to keep ourselves safe from negative, toxic, unhealthy and damaging relationships.
      Because we can be compassionate people without having to feel compassion for those who seek to hurt us or pull us into unhealthy relationship.
      It’s the balance we must find when we are empaths, and it can take some time to get there x

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