The Paradox Of Feeling Safe

This is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately.

How being hurt by people we think are safe can shut us down completely and make us unable to trust anyone in our lives.

How everyone that then comes into our lives is viewed with suspicion, met with caution, held back at a distance, deemed unsafe.

How much we need that protective mechanism to not get hurt again – but how it can often hinder us from the blessing of relationship with those who are safe people in our lives.

How relationship can heal us, but we have been so broken by relationship that we find ourselves in a paradox of self-preservation and extreme loneliness with no balance between.

It’s hard to learn to trust again, to feel safe in relationship. We inch ourselves forward a little, get scared, retreat back into our dark hovels where we are alone, but safe.

We need to feel safe. We need to know we are safe. It’s easy to be safe when we huddle in the corner of our lives and dare not let others come near us.

But it’s lonely.

To love is to risk hurt. To trust is to risk betrayal. To open ourselves is to risk stepping onto a battlefield unguarded and praying we don’t get shot down.

There is a need to be safe.

But there is a greater need to be loved.

We are warriors who have fought hard, survivors who have only known the battle.

But somehow, we must become courageous humans who embrace the surrender.

For surrender is not defeat, but the end of the fight.

We must find a way to lay down our defences and surrender our weapons of self-preservation. For we have battled long enough in our solitude. We are stronger, wiser, aware, empowered. We have learned to trust our intuition, our instincts. We know how to stay safe. We know how to survive.

But now, dear heart, we must know how to live.

5 thoughts on “The Paradox Of Feeling Safe

  1. I cannot believe what I just read. Was it written just for me? Are there really others out there with the same pain as I have? The same depression. The loneliness. I will never have another relationship. I’m 61 years old and dying inside. Two divorces and I finally found my soulmate a few years ago. He broke up with me Christmas Eve 2015. I die a little more inside every single day. I pray I will die in my sleep. Please help me.

    1. Suzanne, I’m so sorry to hear of your incredible pain and all you have been through. Please know you are not alone. There ARE others out there who feel the same loneliness, the same depression, the same struggles. And for years I didn’t believe it, until I started to share my own heart. And if you could only see the number of messages and emails I get from others out there who feel the same as you, the same as me, you would know you are not alone. Truly, believe me, my only wish is I could get everyone I have received messages from together in the same room to share the love, support and courage we all have within us.
      Please know how valued you are, how much this world needs you. Your worth is not based on the love of others, your worth exists because you exist. Because YOU exist. You are enough, and you are worthy, and you are valued and you are loved. The universe has you here because you are wanted, because you are needed, because there is no one else in this world who thinks the same as you or feels the same as you or loves the same as you.
      You have so much life left to live. Please don’t wish it away. There are others, I promise, who feel the same as you. You are not alone ❤️❤️❤️

  2. So beautifully written, authors like you Kathy put in words what we feel as emotions. Could relate so much here. The best part I like about this post is the advise to surrender which means not defeat but an end of a fight. I am taming my heart to surrender. At the end of it I would want to surrender all to God who knows best. Thank you so much for this beautiful post filled with deep feelings and love for people like me .

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