We Cannot Be The Healers When We Are Still The Wounded

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We cannot be the healers when we are still the wounded.

Sometimes our inability to reconcile the brokenness in our own lives means we project our relentless desire to fix and mend and heal onto others. We are drawn to scattered pieces of puzzles, determined to join them back together, to restore, to make whole.

If we only love them, we will mend them, is what we believe.

And so we become their blood transfusion. We pour our blood into them. Even though we become weak, we continue to bleed ourselves dry. Our blood flows into them but their wounds are not stitched and they continue to bleed out. No matter how much we bleed into them it’s never enough, and now there are two casualties on the table and what we need to do is save ourselves.

But we don’t, do we?

Instead, we exhaust ourselves to find the only needle in the room and we use it to stitch their wounds. Often, while they are still firing bullets into ours.

We struggle not to save. We find it hard to let go and walk away from someone who bleeds. But when we allow ourselves to be broken as we try and mend another, it’s no longer about them. It’s our insatiable need to reconcile the brokenness within ourselves. We think if we walk away we have failed another. When the truth is, we just cannot deal with the thought that we have once again failed ourselves. We cannot deal with knowing there is another thing left broken in our lives that we couldn’t fix.

But we can never bleed to death in the hope it will save another. We must stitch together our own wounds, we must allow life and love and hope to first heal the brokenness within us. And then, then we can love others as we need to. We can love them, but not have to save them. For that is our not our duty. And finally, we will know this.

We cannot be the healers when we are still the wounded.

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